Sometimes....

I really need to blog about something funny sometime. But nothing funny has happened. It's kinda the opposite of funny sometimes.

Sometimes I miss my daddy a lot. like tonight. I was so lucky to have a priesthood holder in my home and that could give me a father's blessing when I needed them. I just grew so accustomed to having him so near that it makes it hard now when i really need one from him.  I know that others can give me a blessing, but i feel embarrassed that i'm too weak in life sometimes that i don't ever ask for one. I miss his "secret drawer" of chocolate that i'm pretty sure was just as much for me and my 2 sisters when we needed it as it was for him.  He is my favorite person to talk to about certain things and is the best at keeping my perspective in the right place. He's always so positive in everything and right now, i needed some positiveness from him. He told me that a good place to start is to make a chocolate milk shake with M&M's. {does he know me or what? :)} He always makes me feel important and that my problems are not insignificant to him. He cares about me and is always so even tempered and calm. It makes me calm and helps me think clearly. He helps me become a better person. The most amazing part about my dad is that he didn't have to be a dad to me. Since he's not my biological dad, he never had any legal duty to be a father. Instead of taking on the responsibility of dad like a job, he acted like it was a blessing and privilege. I am always amazed by this and i do not think that anyone has done this as well as he is still doing! I miss him a lot and wish i was going home this weekend especially so i could get that fathers blessing. I'm grateful for how close I am to him. if you haven't heard the song by brad Paisley called "he didn't have to be" you should go listen to it here. It makes me cry every time. But don't worry, you probably won't cry... i'm just a cryer over things like this. And it has a little more meaning to me than it would to most of you. Here's my favorite part-

"When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new
It always winds up feeling more like a job interview
My momma used to wonder if she'd ever meet someone
Who wouldn't find out about me and then turn around and run 

I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old {i was 9}
He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go {how true this is}
A few months later I remember lying there in bed
I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she'd say yes {he asked mine and Ash's permission before he asked my mom}

And then all of a sudden
Oh, it seemed so strange to me
How we went from something's missing
To a family
Lookin' back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I'm at least half the dad 
That he didn't have to be {i hope a marry a man who'll be half the dad mine didn't have to be}"

Sometimes I just need to read my favorite book and live in a world I know isn't real. Because it's a romance and i am a hopeless romantic. Because i'm pretty sure Rider is the most perfect character there ever was and a large reason why i'm so smitten by the thought of a cowboy {and why it's on my baby names list}

Sometimes i burn my pizza cooking in the oven because i forgot to set the timer.

Sometimes I wish i could change my major. Okay, not. but sometimes it's too overwhelming to think about. Sometimes i dislike smelling like rotten eggs from the chemicals and sometimes i dislike being blinded by the strobe lights for 6 hours on a saturday morning. And sometimes i dislike the chemical "Fixer" burns i get from the wet lab that hurt and make my hands feel like a man's hand. But sometimes {most of the time} i'm pretty passionate about this major and what i do. I dislike it when i have conversations like this-
person- "so, what's your major?"
me- "photography"
person "Oh fun! i wish i could have an easy major like that!" {in preppy voice}
me- "i kinda want to stamp on your toes! :D " {in mocking preppy voice and fake smile}

okay so i never say that last line. sometimes i feel like it though. My major might not be something people consider to be a "real major" because we don't do loads of math problems or write 500 page essays on existentialims , but this in no way means i don't have to work my hind-end off or spend as much time on my projects and homework as you do. Did you know that for each 3 credit class i take, i spend at least 6 hours of scheduled in class time a week? so if you have a 3 credit class you go 3 times a week for 50 minutes. Well i go 3 times a week for 2-3 hours each.
I just had this type of conversation happen to me again today so i decided to rant a little. Next week, before my mid term portfolios are due, i'll put a list of requirements i have to have and it might make you want to rip the paper to shred like it does me. All i'll say now-Photography is not what meets the eye. And no, the only thing i do is NOT say "cheese" and press a button. At least the few of us photographers that do it as a major don't do that.

Sometimes I am really smitten. And sometimes {aka always} it is not good for anything but heartache.

Sometimes i really wish that pizza hadn't burnt so my tummy wouldn't be growling at me.

p.s. i don't think that recipe wednesday is going to happen tomorrow.... because there's this evil thing called the dark room that i will be semi-living in....

xoxoxo
Bri