Why do people do things that hurt them?

I came home from work today and cried.
Not because I was hurt physically, not because anything had been done to me personally, but I hurt spiritually. Not because I had done anything, but because I have a tender heart and I don't know how to not hurt, when others are struggling. Especially people close to me.

One of my work friends, when she was younger, was into drugs. She cleaned her life up and I ended up taking her baby boy's newborn pictures Like 2 years ago. I hadn't seen her in a while but she came through my line today and looked awful. No one else was in my line and I talked to her for a few minutes and she told me about how she had messed up and that her kids were taken away from her. My heart literally hurt for her. She knew she had messed up and I cannot imagine what pains she's feeling right now. I feel for her. And it breaks my heart to see people do things that mess their lives up. People that have good lives and they throw it away for what they want in the moment. She said she's doing better now and I sincerely hope she is. It broke my heart and I'm praying for her and her family.

And this didn't even come close to the feeling of what another friend's doing. Because I know/knew him better than the girl from work. And I cared/care a lot about him; he knew me better than almost any other person ever has. I can't describe the feeling that what he's doing gives me. It goes far beyond any spiritual pain I've ever felt before and I'm not even going through the trials he is. I feel sad for him but will never leave him out of my daily prayers. I hope he can feel them once in a while.

I was talking to my wonderful parents tonight about how pathetic I am for crying my face off tonight because of other people's trials. My dad told me that I was a wonderful person for caring so much. My mom told me it was a Christ-like attribute.

All I know is sometimes I wish I could just not care. To let it go and let people do whatever they are doing and not care so it never got me down. But as I think about that last sentence, I know that is a big part of who I am. I wouldn't know who I was if I didn't value other's happiness. Is overly caring bad? I think it might be.

Regardless, I hope everyone {let's be honest, we all have problems} realizes that even when they do things that aren't right, there's always a way back. Christ will open up his arms to anyone who is willing to seek him out. I want everyone to know that I believe that. There's only artificial happiness out of doing what's wrong; true happiness is only in doing what is right.


And to end on a non-serious note, my niece is the cutest thing in the entire world. I guess that was kind of serious though because I was being serious.

here's a video and picture to prove it-

This is her ripping a paper towel. Glad Ash got some of it on video. :D

look at those thighs!! I love her! All 12 pounds of her.

okay, so 2 pictures. I couldn't choose. Quinton took these. I still need to teach him how to compose a picture better. 90% of the pictures he took, half of my face is cut off and Gemma is centered. haha. 

She doesn't suck on her fingers, she CHEWS on them. 

I'm so glad she's still so little. It makes me feel like I didn't miss all that much while I was gone. Being an aunt is my favorite thing. :)

And this is why

And this is why i love coming home-


I'm sorry i didn't rotate the pictures to the correct orientation. this is still something i haven't figured out how to do in blogger and was too lazy to do it before i uploaded them. {and then you wonder why i like cooking, i get it from my mom. and then you wonder why i'm not tooth pick skinny}
one day, i'm going to be like my mom. Im going to have warm cookies waiting for my kids when they come home from school, and teach them how to make delicious treats that can heal any situation. Even if you're emotionally exhausted and have had a poopy week. There is nothing quite like coming home. I miss my family. And i've missed orem too.

Cute sugar cookies

and more cute cookies!

even our piano has decoration on it.

seriously, every spot in the house has decorations for fall and halloween. I love it!

my daddy has a billboard on state street here in orem!  

and on that note... i also filled out my absentee ballot form tonight. of course, i only voted for my dad. :D

And this is a rosa sauce with chicken and sausage and fresh parmesan. 

and this is what i made :D

the table. does this not look absolutely amazing??

My posts lately have been very picture-less. I have been too lazy to put  them up. so, here they are. 

did you know this?

a sign hanging on our wall of our apartment. allison made it, i drew the border.

Annie and I play tic tac toe together during class.
{We also watch Hitch}
the reason why the B is so big, because i won and didn't know it. so i
got really excited because i had no idea i had won!

this is a chemical in the photo lab. If i die, it might be because i was poisoned. 

my temple picture is framed and on my wall of religiousness. :D

the mustache party. maybe i'll try to grow a big mustache, i think i could pull it off. especially with my bangs looking like they do in this picture.... 

this is my 3 d design sculpture. and guess what? it made it in the display case!!
which kind of is a big deal! Go look in the FAV and you shall see it! 

this is billy. my pumpkin.

here's my shoe for 3d. and the shoe i modeled it off of is in the
middle so you can see how big the shoe actually is. those durn rhinestones took
FOREVER and a day to hot glue on. 

finished! I added the bow. 

my first worm at wendy's! with Lauren. I love that girl SO much. She is such a wonderful friend. :D i wish she was one of my roommates.

I just wanted to give a little shout out to my friend, Taylor. Last night I was having a girls night with Betsy, Anna {and her husband Brian....haha}, Tara, Annie, and Melissa, and Ashley. I walked into my house and there they all were. I was not in a particular happy or excited mood, but i was happy to see them there. Because i hadn't seen most of them in ages! Most of the time, girls night and ice cream does the trick. Not last night. Melissa was telling us all about her engagement story, and everyone had all these cool things to talk about and then everyone was youtubing these cute love songs that normally i would be "aww!" ing over but i just was not feeling it. I was leaning my head on betsy's shoulder and she was playing with me hair. She knew what was wrong and i was thinking to myself, "I can't do this anymore. I am going to go to bed." when i get a call. From Taylor. There is absolutely nothing in the entire world that could have made me feel more better than what he said right after i gave a week greeting of "hey". He said, "Brianna!! Did you know that you are a wonderful and beautiful daughter of God and that he loves you?" It was a good thing that before i answered i had begun to walk up the stairs because i lost it. There was absolutely no stopping the waterworks this time and i really didn't feel like explaining to all the girls downstairs what the problem was when they were all having fun telling their cute stories. He let me cry for a minute and then he said "for some reason i've been worried about you all day! what's wrong?" I told him i just needed to laugh and he promptly told me a pretty funny thing that happened to him the day before. And then we sang the mickey mouse club house song together like old times and he gave me some good advice. So, thanks Taylor. You're one pretty great friend! I hope i get to see him this weekend. 

p.s. i feel as if i should mention that i usually don't cry this much in one week. I don't know what is wrong with me.... okay so i do. But still, i'm not usually this emotional. and next week- i PROMISE i'll be back to my normal happy blogging self. :D

Here is we from the summer. the ONE picture i finally convinced him to let me take.

The good reasons why I haven't blogged in forever

So since the last time i blogged, lots has happened and gone on. :D

let me go get my journal so i can make a list of everything i've done....

• provo temple baptisms
• a wedding reception
• did 3 photo shoots
• edited lots of pictures
• bought an awesome dress from the 90's.
• and some striped pants that come up past my belly button. cause they're awesome!
• created a wedding registry at Target...... pretty sure this was one of the funnest things i've done this summer.
• ice cream at cold stone.
• having a jacket as a blind fold over my head being taken to a "secret" place that couldn't be found that night.
• but then the next day i was given a lavender scented, zebra print, sleep mask as a blind fold and was lead to
• discover park. and played hide and seek {i kinda rocked more at this than taylor did. :P}, tic tac toe, a really scary swing thing that was connected to another one that i think i almost died on.
• nielson's grove swinging. and we never really got to go on the circle ones.
• chasing ducks
• 20 questions
• had my first batch of Animal fries from In N Out.
• k mart fun.
• laughed really hard at the ball that was kicked across an aisle.
• sat in cute paris looking chairs
• had a fight with water aerobic weight things.
• went on an interesting blind date.
• was told i shouldn't go on the blind date. haha
• had a lot of phone conversations
• rock climbing.
• 

• did my laundry {just once in the past 2 weeks..... it's fine}
• had more animals fries
• and spilt my water. hahah
• and then taylor spilt my water too. hahahahahahaha
• FINALLY got to go inside my dream home {the somewhere inn time in Lindon} it kinda smelt weird. and the outside is a lot prettier.
• went to trafalga
• saw 4 4-D movies.
• played mini golf. Taylor beat me by ONE point. i think he cheated.... okay, so did i, but he probably cheated more. :P
• drove go carts. like real fast.
• had like 15 mcdonald's dollar dr peppers.
• updated our wedding registry. haha. and saw people i know while doing it. who probably now think i'm really engaged.
• soft serve ice cream at maceys
• broke the law..... {we j walked okay. give me a break! it's hard to walk to the cross walk}
• sent some funny texts. "did you just copy and paste my text?" "well you were the certain situation that sucked." i'll never ever forget these. :D
• bought Whisk, a new tank
• got whisk a girl friend. her name is Teaspoon. :D she's a babe. and whisk needs to start building a bubble nest so they can have baby beta's. {p.s. who wants a baby beta after they're born. cause apparently they have 100+ offspring...}
• learned about Beta reproduction. hahaha
• got more animal fries.
• played Uno for the first time in a long time
• awkward pictures
• talking till 3 am
• gas station run at 330 am.
• went to Logan and Brigham City
• decades dance
• 
• betsy ratted my hair.
• rocked at guitar in rock band... sorta....
• had the coolest experience in my life at a 4 way stop. seriously. i'm still trying to wrap my head around it.
• made blueberry pancakes.
• 
• cliff jumping
• swimming across the lake
• broke my cute flip flops. Now i only have cheap plastic ones left. good thing i have other sandals still.
• saw the largest spider i've ever seen.
• screamed till i was horse over this.
• tara killed it with MY shoe!
• sang a message instead of speaking
• was really happy about some information that i found out while i was in Logan. that made me re think some things. that i am still really happy about. like really. :D :)
• was sad because a certain person could NOT come to Logan.
• was sad because certain people DID come to logan.
• gave a tour of USU
• cleaned the sink
• 
• 4 men/{& women} on a couch.
• dryer riding.
• talking with my girl friends till way late
• a quote i really wish i could write on here. hahahahahaha oh lauren.
• the toilet incidents in P4. bahaha.
• had money stolen out of my wallet.
• said good bye to my niece, Caitlin. :'(

• more phone conversations.
• had some jerky things texted to me.
• saw someone get tackled for shop lifting. haha
• made choc chip zucchini bread.
• ice cream and swings at city center park.
• talking on my couch for hours.
• sold my first ebay item
• took a nap! so wonderful
• bought some jeans.
• first skinny jeans. still unsure of them
• school shopping
• roberts sale. bought supplies to make my journals for the year. :D
• Ikea.
• bought cute picture frames. {all under 4 bucks!}
• said "i like______" a lot in that store. Pretty sure i just like that whole store.
• Nearly ran into a car.
• drove around the draper temple
• "toured" a multi million dollar house with taylor while no one was home..... haha
• more animal fries.
• cute cupcakes from sweet tooth fairy. yum
• Didn't over analyze the only situation i should have.
• stressed over a conversation.
• felt really happy about a certain text.
• nielsen's grove again.
• DTR.... :D
• almost got hit while SOMEONE ;) tried to drive around the round about backwards. haha
• felt sad {when i've been feeling happy} about how little time till i go back to school :'(
• worked 5 shifts in 2 weeks at the outer darkness check stand at work.
• had an ice cream party with my family!!!!
• am super excited!!! :D seriously. my whole life. waiting. ah! happiness. joy. :D
• more exclamation marks sent to me in one text than ever before in my life. i think it was like 20 texts long of JUST exclamation marks. it made me smile and giggle. haha.

anyways, if this list isn't enough to make you tired, i have no idea what is.

i have had more fun the last 3 weeks or so than all the rest of the summer combined. And mainly because of a particularly awesome person.

it's kinda weird that i haven't taken more pictures of the things i've been doing lately. i honestly do not have any of most of these events. :'( i need to work on this i think. i mean, i KNOW!

10 days till moving to logan. :) :( it's fine. I'm just a jumble mess of things right now. Why, as a girl, do i have to have so many dang emotions running at the same time? i'd be perfectly content with a "nothing box" like boys get. jealous. what am i saying!? i don't want to be a boy! lol.

happy 12th of August. have a good weekend. i may not blog again till i move. we shall see.

xoxo.

From Logan to Orem, from college to home, from packing to unpacking

So usually i'm the one nagging my sister about blogging, and now she's nagging me. which btw is not fair. cause she only blogs once a month. if that. So this one's for ashleigh.

i haven't blogged in a few days cause i've been feeling very overwhelmed/depressed/bored/sad/nervous/not wanting to come to terms with not being in Logan.

BUT i promised Melissa that i would continue blogging so she wouldn't have so many Brianna Withdrawals. {miss you melissa Q. W. III}

so here goes. there are going to be tons of pictures and then captions and bullet points. and that, my friends, is going to be how it's done tonight because a- my feet hurt from working today, b-it would be too long otherwise, c cause i said so.

Thursday went as follows-

i was super super accident prone on thursday. i finished packing. and then i did 90 percent of my 30 clean check items apx. including shining the toilet paper holder. :D {that was really an item on my list, furreal!}

• cleaned Betsy and i's bathroom.
• cleaned the half bath downstairs
• washed the dishwasher {how ironic}
• cleaned the photo 2 darkroom
• made bacon {like the pig kind, not the money kind}
• sliced my right calf with an x-acto knife. it cut through my art bag and then sliced my leg. and it stung. and bled. and here is a picture. {please ignore my unshavedness}

• sliced my finger while cleaning the floor under the fridge
• spilt pear juice on my laptop case
• left my purse at the photo lab that had all my textbook buyback money in it.
• smelt like chemicals and B.O. by the end of the day. but i showered so it's fine.
• found out i got an A- in photo 2! which is the equivalent to moses parting the red sea. kid you not. BUT all the studio art teachers have this thing called "not ever going to give an A in any class ever because we hate you and think no matter how much you've improved and how good you are that you can always always always be better and do more and spend more time" so therefore i got A- in all 3 my studio art classes and A's in my other two (planet earth and photo history) :D which is kind of similar to last semester only i got a B+ in drawing instead of an A-.

here is a picture of Ash cleaning the window. half inside half outside. :D

Friday went as follows-

• watched a crazy old lady dumpster dive in the farm's parking lot!!! it was slightly awesome! she found some waaaaay intense things that some dumb college kids should not have thrown away! She gave Betsy and i some good laughs.
• played carrot baseball

a bat shaped like a carrot. :D

• went to D.I. and dropped off junks and played a bit. and i bought some work pants too.

isn't she the most beautiful bride??

• then went to Cal Ranch to find a cowboy. And Melissa and Betsy nearly died of laughter over something that josh said, that i still have no idea why it was funny. and guess what. the only cowboys we say were old. what a depression maker. :(

• then we took after crazy lady to see what we could find in the dumpster. Only the only cool things we found were a lamp, a seashell picture frame, and 3 plungers....

• and then we saw deer on ireland hill "why aren't i zooming??". remember ireland hill? well now you get to see what it looks like!! you lucky things. :D

now, tell me this does not remind you of Ireland!

• had a fire up green canyon.
• 
  
  
  
  


• i burnt my textbook!!

• 

• had our last roommate prayer
• watched she's the man while typing up quotes from our quote wall from the whole year.

here are a few of my favorites {that are relatively clean}

“Tara sucks at being girl, Brianna’s bad at it too.”-Melissa “the best part of this microwave is that you can’t get breast cancer from it… except Melissa can.”-betsy “Brianna you suck and flashing people…. I’ll teach you!”-Betsy “Why am I still wearing pants?”-Betsy “the rule goes, you don’t have to be nice when you’re sitting on the toilet.”-Betsy “I hope he has better aim than me.”-Betsy “How am I supposed to spoon you now?-tara “Our blatters are synchronized.”-Brianna “You’re in charge of the chineese.”-Betsy “Don’t you say testing the waters when you’re trying to get pregnant?”-Brianna “I should know this, I’m Mexican.”-Nathan “Does Cameron not live here?”-Ashley “from now on, we’re calling bad boys Vagabons, not players.”-Bri, Tara, Melissa “I was scratching myself, and I scratched myself!”-Ashley “I would kill for his body!”-Betsy “You can still have a futon.”-Ashley “there are worse things than having a guy like you… I just can’t think of anything right now.”-Betsy “That’s why I can’t marry a black guy. They’d have massive hair and massive butts.”-Betsy “K…. everyone hike your pants up!!!!”-Betsy “Oh, no please keep my pants on!”-Annie “Does this TV get TV?”-Betsy “I only like you for your height and manliness.”-Tara “You like him?”-Andrew. “no, he just looks more single than the rest of them.”-Tara‘I don’t’ like this house, the appliances hate me!” –Anna“I’m just trying to think for myself.”-Brianna “We’re going to find some sax. Hey they were willing!”-Tara “I like to be sweaty when I sleep.”-Brianna “it’s like I’m sitting on an… oh, weird.”-Brianna “Maybe we should offer a sacrifice. We should burn a pad”-Betsy “I offer my own sacrifices.”-Anna “Brianna… sometimes I’m attracted to short guys!”-Betsy “who is it this time?”-Brianna "I’m going to have 13 kids so if one dies I’ll have an even dozen.”-Betsy “Quick, somebody say something stupid!”-Betsy “Betsy you are a stalker!”-Tara “I know…. What?”-Betsy “It’s okay to be dirty on the quote wall, but even better to be dirty in person.”-Anna “Oh, they both write in all CAPS, that is SO sexy!”-Lauren “I said play commando, not go commando…….. have you guys ever gone commando?”-Betsy “They’re Brianna sized.”-Tara Did you pee in our chair?”-Betsy “No, it was already there!”-Lauren “As long as this doesn’t end up like hitch.”-Melissa “Her feet are in my butt…. If you call that snuggling.”-Ashley “But don’t look over here, because your bishop is going to come out of the closet.”-Bishop Hedin “Oh, they’re black!”-Tara “Turn Steve on.”-Brianna “I like your hairline.”-Tara “I love your forehead!”-Brianna “Are those noodles hand cooked?”-Brian “Anna’s swatting me with the gross fly swatter!”-Brianna “Would you guys like me to teach you how to flirt with a can of soda?”-Betsy “Where’s the ward menu?”-Anna “Guys, it only takes one time for a guy to fart in your face and then you no longer find them attractive.”-Anna “Guys, it’s like summer out here. I’m going to go home and put my bikini on. Well… I’m going to buy one first and then put it on.”-Betsy “so someone licked your teeth and paid you for it?”-Tara “if you’re painting were male, I’d seriously have to have a DTR with it.”-Melissa “I was the girl… I don’t know.”-Tara “Ow, my bed just gave me a sliver. It burns!”-Betsy “Brianna, I was gonna give you a compliment but you kinda just scared me.”-Lizzy “what does a cow make?”-Anna “moo?”-Brianna “A wedgie is a wedgie no matter where it is.”-Anna “I was just hoping we could go somewhere and drink some canola oil.”-Betsy “I don’t mind going back to jail…”-Brian “Hurry check who his mom is on facebook!”-Anna “I will always agree with you when you make fun of yourself.”-Anna “Why does his popcorn taste like jalepenos?”-Lizzy “Where’s the camera when it’s needed.. just kidding, where’s Brianna?”-Anna “You’re really bad at being a skank..”-Melissa “If I was a guy I wouldn’t even get dressed.”-Betsy “sometimes my feet are bigger than my stomach.”-Anna “An engaged woman=a changed woman.”-Anna “Do you ever get random urges to watch princess diaries 2?”-Betsy “you have to be a flirt monster!!!!!!!!”-Lauren “I’ve already hit menopause, I get these hot flashes all the time!”-Betsy “did he just pee on the ice?”-Betsy “I like fat, it keeps me warm in the winter when guys don’t!”-Tara “Can we bring the cake.”-Brianna “I would make him dig too, except I’d make him take off his shirt first.”-Brianna “If tara doesn’t marry him, I’ll slap his butt, then I’ll slap hers, and then both of theirs, and then I’ll make them slap each others.”-Anna “I saw your crown.”-Ashley from the bachelor. “Oh, I get to be greg again??”-Tara “I think I gave myself a cowlick…”-Betsy “If you give me fifty bucks I’d be Mario!”-Brianna “MEOW, I’m saying goodnight to me dead cat!”-Ashley “Friends can hug on a bean bag in the dark..”-Mike “Is this a big hairy thing?”-Brianna “Guys it’s hard to be nice.”-Betsy “Nope, you can’t date my daughter.” –Brianna “Let’s start speaking Italian…… Lasagna!”-Betsy “Tara, can we ever get him without you?”-Betsy “I promise I’ll never attack the nightstand…..again.”-Anna “what did Benjamin franklin die of?”-Bri “Gout”-Tara “is that an STD?”-Brianna “Yeah he’s cute, but he’s ugly.”-Betsy “So we all got married together….”-Ashley “I can’t believe you just mooned me.”-Betsy “Oh, heckatitis.”-Betsy “Will you pick my wedgie for me?”-Anna “Can we do something a little naughty but not too riske?”-Anna “If I have to wax my legs then they can shave their palms.”-Ashley “It looks like you’re nursing.”-Brianna “His boobs are falling out of her dress?”-Melissa “You twirl at a great equilibrium Brianna.”-Chad “You’re a babe and a sixteenth.”-Lauren “Did you know brown sugar was flammable.” –Anna “I play greg pretty well, huh?”-Tara “Why did I not wear pants?”-Dawn “Don’t worry there is only two creepers in my apartment…. And I don’t think they’re interested in girls.”-Greg “be good and if you can’t be good, be good at it.”-Melissa "I want to passionately kiss in the library."-Brianna “This is the polygamy center… pick one and get all five.”-Brianna “Am I a girl or a guy?”-Brianna “I’m dating a hobo just to spite you.”-Betsy “I’m not a thermometer.”-Mandy

yes, i said just a few. {probably 1/4 of them}

and here is how SATURDAY went-

• woke up and packed the last box out of my closet
• packed up the truck to come home.
• crammed more into one truck than i ever thought possible
• said goodbye.
• cried with betsy for a sec
• didn't want to say bye
• procrastinated leaving like 5 cajillion times

my empty/naked bed.

my empty closet {minus betsy's rain boots}

my un decorated walls

my empty shower.

bye bye P4. :'( my heart remains with you.

• finally left
• finished my book in the car
• un loaded the truck
• checked my work schedule
• fell asleep on the couch
• ate ice cream to not be so depressed
• talked to betsy and melissa cause i missed them. :'(
• cried like four times
• went to be mentally, emotionally, and psychically tired.

sunday-

• went to my dad's singles ward at BYU. {yuck to the BYU ward}
• met a cute guy named lance {who i found out later was waay too old for me}
• got introduced by my dad to his ward as his wife. hahaha. which i corrected promptly. it was the best thing ever.
• went to my home sacrament meeting to hear emilie speak
• made a beautiful mother's day dinner. :D (my mom is the GREATEST!!!!}

• learned a WHOLE lot better how to drive a manual car with dad.
• went to G&G Dickerson's for dessert.
• had fun with my cousins
• went to bed at ten thirty. weird.

Monday

• went to work. got put on the WORST checkstand there ever was. i hate express. so during college i changed a lot. like A LOT! As in i am so much more okay with having a good conversation with strangers. And i like to talk even more now. And Melissa taught me the first thing i should look at when talking to a guy is there left ring finger. AND I DID THAT TODAY AT WORK! it was the most weird thing ever! i had never noticed it much before! but i do it! weird. but it came in handy because-
• i flirted with an unwed cowboy. for like 10 minutes. Never in my life did i ever think i could/would do that at work. but i did. Boy have i changed.
• went to like 30 places in orem trying to find applications for jobs. and i have a lot more confidence now than i did a year ago. I've learned a ton about myself and about how to present myself too.
• went to ashleigh's condo cause she gets bored while nathan is at work.
• we watched a movie while i filled out applications.
• only she just texted nathan the whole time so i don't even know why she wanted me there.
• found out that a newly weds place is not safe to wander around.
• came home, and am blogging.

but, this came in the mail today. Have you ever been sent a bag of non-poop?

like, if you ever have been sent a bag of poop, would you want people to label everything they send you after with "no poop"

i don't get it. But it made me laugh that the biggest word on the page is "NO POOP" haha

it's like that one time when we got a letter in the mail addressed "to the parents of Dean D****" haha as if my dad's parents live with him still. gotta love intelligent people.

if any of you people want to do something that live in orem, please call me. I'm going to be so bored this summer compared to college life. My little sister is already trying to set me up with all of her friends big brothers so we shall see how awkward this is.

but here are my attractive siblings i now live with again-